Mr Wormwood’s Life Lessons

Father’s Day is a celebration of all the kind, inspiring and thoughtful fathers and father figures. It’s a time to appreciate and reflect on all the words of wisdom they share with their children through their lives, and the positive influence that they are.
Matilda hasn’t been quite so lucky with Mr Wormwood as a father, but that certainly doesn’t stop him from sharing his top tips on how to succeed in life…

1. Never read books, there should be a warning on books that they’re boring
The thought of reading a book frightens Mr Wormwood and he really doesn’t understand why Matilda loves reading.

2. All you need to know in life can be learnt from Telly

Mr Wormwood absolutely loves watching Telly and he believes it’s the best form of education. For example, you can learn what to think and buy. The size of your Telly is also important as it shows just how clever you are.

3. In business, a man’s hair is his greatest asset

The first thing people see is what you wear and your hair. Good hair means a good brain so it is important that you look after your locks. And the secret to Mr W’s success in business is Oil of Violets Hair Tonic. For Men.

4. Steer clear of trying to trick Russian businessmen

Russian businessmen are not stupid. Need we say more?

5. Fair does not get you anywhere

Fairness won’t get you anywhere in life and if you have brains like Mr Wormwood you’ll realise that from an early age, and make sure your children know it too.

6. Keep your wife happy

Make sure you learn how to use a microwave so that you can help out with the cooking, and buy her lots of presents with your hard-earned cash!